I am not a beauty queen. I don't wear a lot of make-up; I'm not all that interested in fashion; my feet are not accustomed to high heels; my finger nails are rarely painted; my teeth aren't straight and my hair is almost always done haphazardly. Sometimes I forget to shave my legs and waxing. . .not even in my vocabulary. Classy places intimidate me, large audiences scare me and I am incapable of following anything but a loose schedule. I am not dainty, cute or graceful. I am more comfortable in a pair of gym shorts or my favorite ripped jeans; I am competitive to a fault; I like sitting on the floor and I like to wander until I get lost. I climb trees and I hike mountains and I get dirty. I am quite the opposite of a beauty queen.
I am Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. I scoff at the infamous answer "world peace". . .or at least I used to. Recently, I have been reading a lot of world news, and what I have discovered has left me broken hearted. Take Somalia for instance - for a generation, "Somalia" has been just another term for "failed state". As if famine and disease are not enough, Somalia is also one of the worlds most violent countries - warring militias, bandits, warlords and pirates plague the country. Al Qaeda affiliated Al Shabab, one of Africa's most fearsome militant Islamist groups, controls much of Southern Somalia. Pirates on the coast attack entreating ships, killing some and taking others hostage. Somalis escaping to Yemen are not exempt from pirate attacks; ships are often seized and Somali civilians thrown overboard. Increased famine has made women and children more vulnerable to rape than ever before while others face beheading if they refuse arranged marriage. Thousands have been forced from their homes and displaced into refugee camps in Somalia, Kenya and Uganda.
In Afghanistan, the Taliban, which once ruled many parts of Afghanistan, continues to fight the Afghan government for power. As a result, innocent lives are taken in suicide bombings, beheadings, and insurgent attacks.
The thing I have taken for granted most as an American is not the abundance of food, the availability of clean water, the access to medical care or even the sturdily constructed buildings. The thing I have taken for granted most; the thing I have thought about least, is the peace that exists within our country. When I lay my head down on my pillow at night, I am not afraid that a bomb will waken me; I do not fear that tomorrow I might be raped or murdered. When I wake up in the morning, I do not plan the best way to quickly and safely escape my home; I do not worry that I will see several children lying dead in the streets; I do not wonder if my family will be intact when the sun goes down. This is not so for so many in countries world wide. The terror that cosumes the lives of those living in war-torn societies is not something I can even fathom. But of this I am convinced - the Lord does not intend for this to be.
Jesus I pray, may kingdoms fall and rulers crawl before Your throne. May the hearts of the wicked bow at Your feet and may the lips that now blaspheme Your Name suddenly begin to offer up praises. May every knee bow and every tongue confess that You are Lord. May You receive the glory and honor You are due from people of every tribe, tongue and nation. May Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, fall upon those who know no peace. May Your arms of protection encirlce the innocent. Dear Lord, stretch out Your mighty hand over all nations in such a way that none can deny the existence of the LIVING God. Your Name be praised, sweet Jesus.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Conflicting Dreams. . .Or So It Seems
If you had known me 6 years ago, you would know that I had one dream. Those who did know me then can testify that my greatest desire was to marry, settle into a house in my parents back yard, send my children to the same high school I attended and live a comfortable, "normal" life surrounded by the few people I knew and loved. As a teenager, I was the least likely of my friends to move out of the area; the least likely to travel across the ocean. I was the least courageous, the least out going and probably the most insecure.
I remember one of the first small group bible studies I attended as a freshman at SUNY Brockport. That night, we were asked to share our dreams with one another. I wouldn't have participated had I not been forced, but as we were each taking our turn around the circle, I decided I may as well at least be honest with these "strangers". When I finished sharing, they prayed. From my perspective, I wasn't asking much from the Lord. All I needed was for Him to provide a man, the rest was already figured out. . .or so I thought. If there's one thing I've learned about the human condition it is this - "We do not know what we should pray for as we ought" (Romans 8:26). Fortunately we have a heavenly Father who "Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. . .He makes intercession for the saints ACCORDING TO THE WILL OF GOD" (Romans 8:26, 27). I remember the words I heard that night, but I wonder what He heard. I imagine it went something a little like this, "Father, may she see how great, how pure, how perfect Your love is for her. Raise her up in Your tender mercies, strengthen her by Your might, prepare her heart for the things You want to share with her. Pour Yourself out upon her until all she knows and all she desires is You."
As I waited impatiently for my prayer to be heard, my Lord waited patiently for His prayer to resonate in my heart. He protected me as I entered into a relationship with a man almost 6 years older than me. Looking back, I shamefully admit that my only reason for moving in that direction was because he was the first man to pay any attention to me. My life was far more important to my Father than it was to me at that time because had the relationship been abusive in any way, given my great insecurities, my life would have been over. I never would have entered into His fullness; I would never have learned His purpose for my life. But His hand of protection is forever upon me. And when the relationship ended, He lovingly guided me through what was certainly the darkest season of my life. My friends expressed their amazement at how well, how maturely I was handling everything. But to be honest, I was lost in the darkness. I wondered if it was truly the Lord I was serving or if I was a demon in disguise. At first, I fought to see light again, but as the months dragged on, I lost hope and stopped fighting. But the Lord Jesus does not give up and I have since learned that others were fighting for my life through prayer even as I did nothing.
Like most people who have endured the darkness, I vowed to God that I would never be grateful for it. For years, the choice to pursue that relationship was my one regret; it was the one thing I would do over again if I could because in choosing it, my life spiraled out of my control. BUT GOD. Isn't that the testimony of all our lives? We are sinners, we were lost, we were destined for hell. . .BUT GOD! God sent His Son to take my iniquities upon His shoulders and die for them. God reached down His hand and pursued my heart. God was, is and will continue to be in relentless pursuit of my life - until He has it all.
Daily, I am grateful to be on the other side of that wilderness season but forever I praise the Lord of heaven and earth for leading me through it. Because it was then that He stripped me of myself and filled me with Himself; it was then that He began to reveal His unconditional, never-ending love for me; it was then that He birthed in me passions that match His own. For the call on my life is clear. I will never again live in Pembroke, NY as a permanent resident; for the rest of my life, most of the conversations I have with my parents and siblings will be done over the phone instead of face-to-face; I am going to miss out on the experiences and lives of the people I love most. I won't buy a house next door to my best friend; we won't raise our children together; I'll be the face that's missing at family gatherings and I may never get to hold my future nieces and nephews. And that hurts to think about. So much so that I'm tempted to run home every time I do. But my spirit knows that I will never be fulfilled if I don't live out what He has called me to. The Lord my God gave me His one and only Son. The least I can do is surrender my life.
The little girl who once trembled so severely as she shared her essays to the class that the paper in her hands shook has now also stood in front of a church full of people in a country not her own with much less fear. And He's not finished we me yet. He turned my world right-side-up. Those dreams that were once so precious to me seem hardly important anymore. Don't get me wrong, they're not gone. It's like when I hear my sister share about her adventures in searching for a house with her husband. As she explains to me every detail from the three-car garage, to the hot tub, to the cupboard where she hopes to keep the cleaning supplies, I can't help but picture myself looking at houses with my "husband". Or when the young woman walks into the restaurant with her 6-week old baby girl. There is a yearning in my heart to someday have my own precious miracle wrapped in my arms.
I recognize that both dreams are of the Lord - but how can it be? In my limited vision, I can't see how He could possibly work it out. So I meditate upon these verses - "He [Abraham] did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully aware that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore 'it was accounted to him for righteousness.'" (Romans 4:20-22) He has promised me two dreams confirmed in my spirit and through prophecy. He is able to carry those out and He will. And the story will be a million times more beautiful than one I could ever dream of writing.
I remember one of the first small group bible studies I attended as a freshman at SUNY Brockport. That night, we were asked to share our dreams with one another. I wouldn't have participated had I not been forced, but as we were each taking our turn around the circle, I decided I may as well at least be honest with these "strangers". When I finished sharing, they prayed. From my perspective, I wasn't asking much from the Lord. All I needed was for Him to provide a man, the rest was already figured out. . .or so I thought. If there's one thing I've learned about the human condition it is this - "We do not know what we should pray for as we ought" (Romans 8:26). Fortunately we have a heavenly Father who "Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. . .He makes intercession for the saints ACCORDING TO THE WILL OF GOD" (Romans 8:26, 27). I remember the words I heard that night, but I wonder what He heard. I imagine it went something a little like this, "Father, may she see how great, how pure, how perfect Your love is for her. Raise her up in Your tender mercies, strengthen her by Your might, prepare her heart for the things You want to share with her. Pour Yourself out upon her until all she knows and all she desires is You."
As I waited impatiently for my prayer to be heard, my Lord waited patiently for His prayer to resonate in my heart. He protected me as I entered into a relationship with a man almost 6 years older than me. Looking back, I shamefully admit that my only reason for moving in that direction was because he was the first man to pay any attention to me. My life was far more important to my Father than it was to me at that time because had the relationship been abusive in any way, given my great insecurities, my life would have been over. I never would have entered into His fullness; I would never have learned His purpose for my life. But His hand of protection is forever upon me. And when the relationship ended, He lovingly guided me through what was certainly the darkest season of my life. My friends expressed their amazement at how well, how maturely I was handling everything. But to be honest, I was lost in the darkness. I wondered if it was truly the Lord I was serving or if I was a demon in disguise. At first, I fought to see light again, but as the months dragged on, I lost hope and stopped fighting. But the Lord Jesus does not give up and I have since learned that others were fighting for my life through prayer even as I did nothing.
Like most people who have endured the darkness, I vowed to God that I would never be grateful for it. For years, the choice to pursue that relationship was my one regret; it was the one thing I would do over again if I could because in choosing it, my life spiraled out of my control. BUT GOD. Isn't that the testimony of all our lives? We are sinners, we were lost, we were destined for hell. . .BUT GOD! God sent His Son to take my iniquities upon His shoulders and die for them. God reached down His hand and pursued my heart. God was, is and will continue to be in relentless pursuit of my life - until He has it all.
Daily, I am grateful to be on the other side of that wilderness season but forever I praise the Lord of heaven and earth for leading me through it. Because it was then that He stripped me of myself and filled me with Himself; it was then that He began to reveal His unconditional, never-ending love for me; it was then that He birthed in me passions that match His own. For the call on my life is clear. I will never again live in Pembroke, NY as a permanent resident; for the rest of my life, most of the conversations I have with my parents and siblings will be done over the phone instead of face-to-face; I am going to miss out on the experiences and lives of the people I love most. I won't buy a house next door to my best friend; we won't raise our children together; I'll be the face that's missing at family gatherings and I may never get to hold my future nieces and nephews. And that hurts to think about. So much so that I'm tempted to run home every time I do. But my spirit knows that I will never be fulfilled if I don't live out what He has called me to. The Lord my God gave me His one and only Son. The least I can do is surrender my life.
The little girl who once trembled so severely as she shared her essays to the class that the paper in her hands shook has now also stood in front of a church full of people in a country not her own with much less fear. And He's not finished we me yet. He turned my world right-side-up. Those dreams that were once so precious to me seem hardly important anymore. Don't get me wrong, they're not gone. It's like when I hear my sister share about her adventures in searching for a house with her husband. As she explains to me every detail from the three-car garage, to the hot tub, to the cupboard where she hopes to keep the cleaning supplies, I can't help but picture myself looking at houses with my "husband". Or when the young woman walks into the restaurant with her 6-week old baby girl. There is a yearning in my heart to someday have my own precious miracle wrapped in my arms.
I recognize that both dreams are of the Lord - but how can it be? In my limited vision, I can't see how He could possibly work it out. So I meditate upon these verses - "He [Abraham] did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully aware that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore 'it was accounted to him for righteousness.'" (Romans 4:20-22) He has promised me two dreams confirmed in my spirit and through prophecy. He is able to carry those out and He will. And the story will be a million times more beautiful than one I could ever dream of writing.
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